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YOU NEED TO FIND LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE!
By Olatunbosun OlalekanMarch 30, 20203 min read5,813 views13 comments
YOU NEED TO FIND LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE!
I had an unusually lengthy phone call with a friend over the weekend. Did I say unusual? Yes. I think I'm right. I can't remember the last time I spoke with her for over 15 minutes, and never on a trivial issue like marriage.
Theresa (not her real name) put a call through to talk about her swerving relationship. She apparently needed to talk about it because she had made a very fatal decision but needed someone to talk to so she could justify her actions. I don't think I want to talk about the issue, but you might get a clue from my words.
Theresa is already of marriageable age. She's almost 30. But we got along as old classmates. In fact, her younger sister has already gotten engaged. But the possibilities of her 'Mr. Right' becoming 'Mr. Left' are becoming worrisome, and she thinks she needs to let him go.
I have picked a line from my submission as the topic of this article. I had to hammer on the point that she needs to find love before marriage. There is no 'accidental love' in marriage. Not any longer!
The reason for this statement was a response to her words, 'Sebi, our parents who spent 40, 50, and even 60 years in marriage never got the opportunity to know themselves. In fact, most of them are entirely strangers to each other. Yet, they got married and experienced unswerving love. But here, I've been into a guy for over 4 years and I still feel I'm making him love me.' (sic)
I responded, 'Our parents found love in marriage, but unfortunately, our generation needs to find love BEFORE marriage.
The generation of our parents was apparently less exposed to these trends of questionable characters, ungodly practices, and extreme lust. Our parents saw marriage as a delicate contract they must handle with care, passion, and even spirituality. On the contrary, my generation can call off a marriage of three months regardless of the millions they spent at the wedding.
Let me say it frankly: 'If you can't boast of genuine love before marriage, you can't experience it in marriage'. The trend in this generation requires that the parties get to know one another and build a conviction to maintain and sustain a marriage afterwards. After all, a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.'
Our time demands you find someone to love you first before thinking of marriage. You can't force it. If he doesn't love you before marriage, he won't love you in marriage. If he doesn't respect you before marriage, he won't respect you in marriage. If he doesn't care for you before marriage, he won't do otherwise in marriage. You need a safe landing in marriage. Love shouldn't be a prospect! It must happen now.
I'm vexed at ladies who forced marriage. Some men do the same. Some ladies will have a man get them pregnant so that he will be left with no option but to marry them. Some of them believe, 'If I get pregnant for him,he will be left with no option but to marry me'. Lie from the pit of hell!
Let me hear from you. Should we seek love before or in marriage? Which one of the cases would work?
He or she could love you before marriage and still misbehave in marriage. If this happens, the love is apparently not genuine.
Drop your comment below.
OO
Written by
Olatunbosun Olalekan
Leadership advisor, strategist and writer.
Olatunbosun, you've done it again. May your ink never run dry.
I disagree slightly on one point but the overall message lands.
Beautifully written. Many couples in our communities need this perspective.
Reading this on a Monday morning was the recalibration I needed. Thank you. I'd pay for a workshop on this exact topic. Please consider it.
Read this twice. Will be referencing it in my next leadership session.
Brilliant perspective. Africa needs more thinkers like you.
This is what good writing looks like.
Nairobi here — same struggles, same lessons.
Came back to comment because the message stuck with me all week.
Reread three times before commenting.